It's not about the weight

For years I've been making excuses about my weight.  I have PCOS; I'm too busy to exercise; my life is stressful, I need this chocolate.  You know the kind of thing.
But now, it's not about the weight.  Not really.
Now, it's about being healthy.  Living a long and happy life.  Watching my children grow up.
Although the Skipper's heart failure was not lifestyle related (he caught a virus which attacked his heart), it has still been a mighty loud wake-up call.  Our lifestyle has not been great.  I do no exercise, apart from chasing Gilligan.  And even that has given me asthma attacks when he's run too far, too fast.  Oh, and should I mention that I can't keep up with him.  Not great when you have a child with autism who is an ingenious escape artist and a sensory seeking runner!
As for diet, well, it could be worse, but it could be an awful lot better.  We eat well, but we eat way too much. Our portion sizes are huge.  We routinely eat chocolate at night.  We have takeaway too often.


Things are changing round here, folks.


The Skipper has had changes enforced upon him by virtue of rehab after seven weeks in a coma, eleven weeks in ICU and (so far) four and a half months in hospital.  He exercises every day.  He has to, they don't call them Physio-terrorists for nothing!  But he has noticed a change.  He feels more alert, more energised, on the days he exercises.  Hearing him say that was the biggest wake-up call I could ever have.  Because this was my partner in crime.  If he could start to feel that way about exercise, then maybe, just maybe, I could too.
So I bought a treadmill.  I've been using it.  I don't hate it.
And on Thursday I will start at Weight Watchers.


But this time it's different.


This time it's not about the weight.

A change is as good as a holiday

The Skipper and I went down to the hospital coffee shop this afternoon.  There's nothing like a bit of sun to make you feel relaxed and relatively normal.
I'm not so sure about The Skipper's beard, but hey, if you can't grow a beard when you're waiting for a heart transplant, then when can you?

Then and Now

Then, he couldn't bear weight on his legs.  Now, he's walking the length of the hospital.
Then, he had a tracheostomy.  Now, he's been breathing without oxygen for a couple of months.
Then, he couldn't talk.  Now, he's skyping the kids.
Then, he still had numerous tubes attached to him.  Now, it's just the VAD and a cannula for a drip.
Then, he had over 10 kilos of excess fluid.  Now, he's a lean, mean, fit man.
Then, he was fed through a naso-gastric tube.  Now, he's cooking lunch.


Then, we still thought he might die.  Now, we have every faith that he will live.

Annus Horribilus

2011 was easily the worst year of our lives.  Brisbane flooded, and our house had over 7ft of water through it.  Our beloved dog had to be put down and I had a car accident.

Then came the event, or series of events, that made put all these other issues into perspective.

The Skipper's heart failed.  

This is a sample of my facebook updates from last year.  It's been quite therapeutic reading them through.  2011.  The year we'd like to forget.

• For those who aren't aware, The Skipper's pneumonia turned out to be a virus that has attacked the muscles of his heart. His heart is too weak for drug therapy to be a viable option. Today he had open heart surgery to fit an artificial heart pump Ventricular Assist Device, or VAD). Surgery went extremely well, doctors are very pleased so far. Once he recovers from this surgery he will go on the waiting list for a heart transplant. He will be kept in an induced coma for at least a few days.
• Update on The Skipper: He is doing extremely well! The doctors are very pleased with his progress and said that they couldn't ask for more at this stage. He'll be in a coma until at least Sunday, possibly longer. Thank you all for your prayers and good wishes; we are very grateful. Please pass this on to anyone who is not on fb, and please, please please, if you are not an organ donor, SIGN UP NOW!
• Latest update: The Skipper didn't have a great night and this morning they did an ECG and discovered a clot near his heart. So they opened him up again and removed a clot the size of a can of coke! This has taken pressure off the right side of his heart and his signs look much better. He has also had a tracheostomy. It's so nice to see his face again!
• The Skipper had a close shave last night but the amazing doctors at the Prince Charles managed to pull him through. They think the bleeding was caused by an infection, tissue damage, or an underlying blood pressure/platelets issue that I don't quite understand. The Skipper is stable but he will be sedated for a few days. On the positive side, his heart is looks better than it did a week ago. When they lightened his sedation this afternoon he responded to directions.
• The Skipper has had a great day! The sedation has been reduced and he is starting to wake up. He's been smiling, nodding etc, but the really exciting bit is that he is breathing on his own for 30-60 minutes at a time, alternating with time on the ventilator. He still has the trachy but that will probably be gone in about 5 days.
• Another good day! Lots of routine work done such as replacing central line, removing another drain (2 down, 1 to go), physio, ultrasound etc. All looking good, but completely exhausting the poor old Skipper.
• Another setback.  The Skipper has an infection but they don't know where. He's having a ct scan now. The doctors are concerned. The rollercoaster continues...
• Things are not looking too good for The Skipper at the moment. He has inflammation/infection in parts of his brain. The drs will treat it very aggressively with antibiotics etc, but it is a big concern. On the positive side, he knew me this afternoon and reacted to what I said. Please keep prayers etc coming.
• The Skipper's latest operation is over. There were no signs of infection in his sternum, which is good. However it will be a very challenging balancing act to keep his blood thin enough to flow through the VAD without causing issues, yet thick enough to clot and heal the wound effectively. There is still no explanation for the infection and temps.
• The Skipper's doctors told me today that he has multiple organ failure - heart (obviously), kidneys, gut and especially lungs. Add to that the infection that hasn't been identified and the inflammation on his brain and his chance of survival is "not good", and I was advised to tell our children that daddy may not make it. However, they are still treating him and we are still praying for the miracle. In the meantime he is comfortable (very heavily sedated).
• Another day with little change. The Skipper's blood pressure dropped when dialysis was resumed, but he's been given drugs to counteract that. He looks way less puffy which is nice - at one stage he had 18litres of excess fluid sitting in his body.
• Hmmm. Always the rollercoaster. The Skipper had a new nasogastric tube inserted today which has caused a lot of bleeding from/through his nose and mouth. An ENT from the royal is there at the moment deciding whether to do a bronchostomy or not. He is on drugs to thin his blood because of the VAD, but unfortunately the catch22 is that his blood is too thin to clot.
• Not such a great day. Scan showed fluid on the chest and abdomen, which could be infected. Big decision now is whether or not to go in and investigate. Given that The Skipper's platelet count is very low, opening him up would pose a significant risk of major bleeding. I think the surgeon needs our prayers as much as The Skipper does right now.
• I'm so over this rollercoaster. The Skipper had to be sedated again today as he was getting very agitated. The bleeding from his throat and nose has started up again, and to top it all off he appears to have thyroid issues. I'm so glad I made the most of yesterday.
• A good day today! The Skipper woke up and responded meaningfully (nodding/shaking head) to questions!! He is still exhausted and extremely weak - he can barely wiggle his fingers - but he definitely responded! this is a step in the right direction, and a huge weight off my mind. I'm trying not to get too excited, as he is still critical, but it is very good news.
• What a turnaround in a week!  The Skipper was wheeled out onto the balcony in his bed today!! He spent a couple of hours out there, with half of ICU coming to check it out! Poor man doesn't know why everyone is so interested in him; he really doesn't understand quite how sick he's been. He is getting frustrated and still confused about what's happened, but getting stronger every day. Right now he's calm and asleep, so no goodnight chat tonight.
• The Skipper had a lovely visit from his two beautiful children this morning! It was so lovely to have the four of us together - only a week ago I seriously doubted that it would ever happen again. Gilligan kept kissing The Skipper and saying "Tiss Daddy", and Ginger was just happy to see him. Tonight he's comfortable and very tired. He is still not out of the woods, but we can see light through the trees now.
• Today The Skipper spoke for the first time in eight weeks! He had a valve put on his trachy which enabled him to use his voice. It was so lovely!! He's also allowed to eat and drink now! On the down side, though, he has a temperature tonight.
• Another fab day!  The Skipper's trachy came out and he stood by himself!! He's coming on in leaps and bounds - what a champion!
• I was taken out to lunch by my lovely husband today! We (along with two nurses, one student nurse and The Skipper's parents - quite the romantic first date in over two months!) popped down to the hospital cafe for lunch. The Skipper loved sitting outside and getting some fresh air and a change of scenery. He had two physio sessions today and stood up four times!
• I'm just home from having a curry with The Skipper at the hospital. Loving that lamb madras! He's getting stronger each day. He has an infection somewhere that the drs are a bit concerned about, but in himself he's well and improving all the time.
• Excellent day!  The Skipper has moved to the ward!! He'll have an ICU nurse with him till Monday, when he's hopefully a bit stronger with his walking and can cope with one nurse between two patients rather than one on one.

More to follow...

Keep Calm and Set Sail

First of all, welcome to my new blog.  You might remember me from such blogs as "Keep Calm and Carry On", and...oh, wait, that's the only one.  Never mind.


So why the new blog, and the new title?


Well, since I came up with the breathtakingly original title, ("Keep Calm and Carry On" - pay attention, would you!) it has gone viral.  That slogan is everywhere!  From posters, to coffee mugs, to diaries, to calendars - I'm over it, and I'm sure you are too. I'm quietly proud  to be a Leader Of Fashion, but it's time for a change.  


So where am I heading with this blog?  Like KCACO, it'll be a record of my family and our crazy, busy lives.     Perhaps I should take the time to introduce us all.  I'm Millie, the mum.  My husband, known here as The Skipper, is an amazing man who is currently in hospital waiting for a heart transplant.  More on that later.  Our twelve year old daughter,Ginger, is about to start high school, and our four year old son, Gilligan, is doing brilliantly at his autism-specific pre-school.  I'm trying to keep us all together and not lose my mind in the process.  Hence the resumption of the blog.


So please, fasten your lifejackets, pop your sea-legs on, pour yourself a drink (the sun is always over the yardarm on board my Ship of Fools) and enjoy the ride.